Wednesday, October 27, 2004

If only Jesse Owens played for the Cardinals...

Yes, the Boston Red Sox have won the World Series. Their supposed curse has ended. Of course, we all know the truth about the Red Sox curse - it was a fantastic idea conjured up by Dan Shaughnessy, a Boston sports writer, used to sell his book. It made for good fiction really, but now we can all see that it was exactly that - fiction. There's only one true curse in baseball, and it belongs to the Cubs. No my friends, if you believed in the curse of the Bambino, as at one time I admittedly and ashamedly did, you've been had. The Red Sox organization has played you for a fool. The Boston media has taken you for a sap. Yes, for years now they've marketed the idea of the curse, hyped up the legend and used their ineptitude to draw fans and induce heavy spending. Be fooled no longer! For curses don't end like this, and now we can see what the last 86 years have really been - the fruit of a bad seed.

The Boston Red Sox are the paradigmatic bad baseball team. For the last 86 years they have exhibited every baseball vice. In fact, they've done so more than any other team in the league.

They were the last team to hire an African American player, and even after they did racism persisted in the front office and the club house. They are currently guilty of buying a title. Many people, most notably the Boston front office and fans, have accused certain other teams (coughyankeescough) of attempting to buy a title. In fact, this was one of fundamental prongs of the Boston public relations effort - "we're the good guys because we don't stoop to buying a title like the evil empire." And, unfortunately, a lot of people bought it. Without stopping to look at the fact that Boston has the second highest payroll in baseball. And they're head and shoulders above several other playoff teams. The fact that they accused other teams of vices they were guilty of simply compounds those vices with hypocrisy. There are plenty of other baseball vices as well. They don't develop much of their own talent, and don't invest in younger players. They don't hustle. They don't play defense. They play dirty and start fights. They treat their fans as an animal commodity. They engage in front office warfare. Their strongest asset is their "spin" department.

I could go on. Suffice it to say, the Boston Red Sox franchise is the purest example of evil in all of baseball. In order to illustrate fully how evil they are, I propose a parallel: The Red Sox are to baseball what the Third Reich was to the world. A simple comparison will show the appropriateness of the parallel:
The Red Sox and Nazis were both Racist.
They both proclaimed themselves the good guys.
They both started fights.
They both blamed others for their problems.
They both spent lots of money to fight their enemy.
They both treated their supporters as commodities.
They both were hypocrites.
They both needed better defense.
They both relied heavily on their "spin" department.

Ladies and gentlemen, it seems to me we have a match. I present to you your World Series Champions:
The Boston Nazis.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Go Red Sox