Saturday, November 12, 2005

You Know What I Hate?

Flavored floss. What's the freakin' point? It's not like you keep any one piece of the floss in contact with your mouth long enough to even really get a taste. Not that you'd want to since that fakey flavor actually tastes more like chalk than a pleasant cool mint.

And maybe it's just me, but isn't floss supposed to slide neatly between your teeth? How does coating a thin string in extra material help it glide smoothly? Thin floss = good floss. Flavored floss = thicker floss = bad floss = Matt jabbing at his gums with a scissors, trying to cut out the threads stuck between his teeth.

What's so wrong with nice plain floss? Who flosses more because of the floss' flavor? Gee, I just can't wait to get into the bathroom and suck on that yummy floss! Give me a break. Who are they marketing this stuff to?

And it's not like using mint floss is helping your breath. Wake up with bad breath? Not enough time to brush? Quick, twirl some floss around your fingers and shove them in your mouth! All fixed! Flavored toothpaste makes sense. Flavored floss makes me want to string up Johnson & Johnson.

Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque

13 comments:

btnovak said...

The only think more stupid than making flavored floss is buying flavored floss

Eric Michael Peterson said...

you get it free from the dental office

Gary said...

I don't care about flavor, but I have to have the flat floss rather than the twisted stuff.

Matthew B. Novak said...

I need flat floss too!

dyk said...

I've been known to chew on flavored floss for hours at a time.

But the same goes for the unflavored.

I can't be the only person whose ever flossed while watching TV and then chewed on the stuff while waiting for a commercial...and not get around to spitting it out for an hour or two.

As far as purchasing the stuff goes, now you're getting into a question of economics. If I can buy the regular 500yds of floss for 92 cents, or I can buy 500yds of mint floss for the same 92 cents, I'm going for the mint every time. If the mint hits 93, though, I'll get by with the plain.

dyk said...

I can't believe I just used 'whose' like that. Oh, the shame.

Eric Michael Peterson said...

mint tooth picks... now thats where its at.

Matthew B. Novak said...

I think we can all agree with Eric on this one.

joel. said...

Matt, you ARE buying "Glide" floss, aren't you? That stuff is awesome, flavored or otherwise. It slides—nay, glides between teeth so easily it makes flossing a breeze, and almost a pleasure.

Take it from someone with no cavities and who heard "you really haven't been to the dentist in 3 years? Your teeth are great!" on Friday from the astonished hygienist.

Matthew B. Novak said...

Joel -

If I recall correctly, it was junior year when you swiped the Glide(TM) floss off of my desk and first fell in love with the brand.

But as superior as Glide(TM) may be to all other flosses, there's still no point to the flavored stuff, and the unflavored Glide(TM) is a vast improvement to the flavored Glide(TM).

Matthew B. Novak said...

Oh, and it's true, Dykhoff will suck on the same piece of floss for hours at a time.

He's the same way with a toothbrush. Normally he'd just put it in his mouth and let it sit there for no less than 45 minutes, and upwards of 4 hours. I think that sophmore year he spent more time "brushing" than he did not brushing.

And I've seen him chew on the same toothpick for more than a week straight.

If I were Freud I'm sure I'd deduce some sort of oral fixation.

joel. said...

I didn't steal Glide floss off your desk!

Did I? I have no such recollection. In fact, I'm pretty sure I was anti-flossing (I hated it, as my gums bled every time) until after graduation when I finally MADE myself get into the habit (and my gums haven't bled since). But I could have flirted with Glide floss at the time, I dunno. I was doing a lot of drinking and flirting that year...

dyk said...

But no cavities!

With moderate use, your average toothpick will only last a few hours before breaking apart into easily swallowable but difficult to digest shards of non-dietary fiber.

A well-manufactured coffee stir-straw, however, when cut to the right length, can last you most of the day. I only discovered this after resorting to multiple cups of coffee as the only way to stay conscious during the Army's safety officer course.