Monday, December 12, 2005


What would you like to be doing when you die?

But wait! Imagine for a minute that whatever you are doing when you die is what you will do for eternity. If you're reading a book, you'll read that book forever. If you're sleeping, you'll sleep forever. If you're playing Monopoly, you'll play monopoly forever. And so on and so forth.

So now what would you like to be doing when you die?

(And this is a family blog, so no one can say anything sex related.)(Besides, that's too easy an answer. Even if it's a true response, I'm ashamed at you for not being more inventive. Seriously people, where is your creativity?).

This of course reminds me of the old joke... When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather; not yelling and screaming like his passengers.

This gives me a thought for another twist on this question: You have to pick what you would like to be doing when you die, but your death will be activity related. So if you pick reading a book, you'll die from something like massive paper-cut induced blood-loss. And if you pick playing Monopoly you'll choke on the iron or a hotel or something like that. And if you pick sleeping you'll, well, I guess have sleep apnea or something. Hmm, that one is less interesting... Anyways, so detail for us what you want to be doing when you die if 1. you will die from that activity and 2. you will spend eternity doing that activity.

Oh her flowing skirt is blowing in a transcendental wind


rachel said...

There is a scene that Kubrick cut from Dr. Strangelove: the pie fight in the war room. So the last thing I want to be doing before I die is partaking in the custard fight with-among everyone else involved-Peter Sellers, George C. Scott (and although not in the actual scene) James Earl Jones. How would I die? By slipping on filling, hitting my head on the floor, knocking myself unconscious and from there passing into a peaceful death. Only to wake with pie flying around me. Ahhhh....eternity.

Lady said...

i think i would have to go with sky diving.
just to have the feeling you get before you do something like that for all eternity....
how would i die? i dunno, not something typical like not having a parachute, but peeing myself would be invovled.

emnovak said...

what a stupid question, and waste of a post. seriously matt, it's not realistic, and so what if it's interesting? i think it's actually boring, you tried to make a boring question interesting by adding a twist to it, instead of just coming up with your own unique question. i have to say, i'm slightly disappointed in you...
as long as it does not involve fire, drowning, or suffocating in any way, i guess it doesn't really matter. and if you die doing something with people, when you reach eternity will you still be doing it with them, because what if they don't die?

joel. said...

I think I'd like to be driving a kickass German car through the Alps with nary another vehicle in the way. However, as my death must be driving-related, I didn't suffer a crash. I died of exhilaration. Yeah, that's it...

Matthew B. Novak said...

I think it's a fun question. And it's actually one that I thought of - in exactly the final form - many years ago, as I was walking to a park in Italy to see an ancient aquaduct. I just wrote it as "here's the twists on a boring question" because I felt that it would be more clear. So the final question was really the original question, I just laid it out differently for the sake of the post.

I'm still not sure what I would choose.

I'm debating between a deep intellectual conversation in which the Truth pouring from my mouth is so brilliant that I don't die so much as get assumed into eternity to grace it with my genius.

Or getting struck by a shard of broken bat at a Twins game in a brand new outdoor stadium.

Gunner said...

I'd die like Obi-Wan Kenobi.
A furious light-saber battle against the best in the world... Throwin around some magic force powers, whippin some reverse ninja round-house kicks, and finally, when I die, I become one with the force.

I would think being one with the force would be a pleasant way to spend eternity.

Thus ends the best answer to this question. Everyone else might as well give up now.

Matthew B. Novak said...

I'm going to have to disagree with this gunner person. Though he chose an interesting death, he broke the rules, because he wouldn't spend eternity as one with the force, but rather locked in an epic (albeit losing) battle with Darth Vader. Also, there is no best answer, because that'll turn on individual desires, so I'd encourage everyone to continue to participate.

the marvelous patric said...

in my perfect death scene, i'm playing my bari sax (okay, so that means somehow i have to have gotten a a bari sax.) it's a rollicking good time with a huge band. the trumpet behind me hits a new high note, a note so high it causes everyone's brain to burst, thus killing the entire band. that's right, if i go, i'm taking you with me. now we get to play for eternity! woohoo

oh... and it is a lame question. the "twist" is like what m. night shymylanmamamamamnan (or whatever his name is) uses for twists in his movies these days.

Gunner said...

I still win.

Locked in an epic battle between good and evil, magic powers, ninja flips, beautiful space scenery, etc... etc... would never get tiresome.

Blowing a horn for eternity, falling out of a plane for eternity, driving down an empty road for eternity yada yada yada sounds a lot more like torture than a pleasant way to spend your afterlife.

Me? I'd rather be force pushin', light-saber swingin', back-flippin' and samurai kickin'.

Conversation over. I win. Next?

Matthew B. Novak said...

Once again Gunner, there are no winners or losers, because everyone has a different take. You might prefer your epic battle. Others prefer driving or jamming with a wicked jazz band. Having done both of those things, I gotta tell you, they're both awesome answers. And frankly, I'd take either one over your choice. So I guess maybe there are losers here, those losers being anyone who reads your comments. I mean, you're reasoning like a 12 year old. And maybe you are 12, and I shouldn't be so hard. But you're being a prick too, so cut it out.

And for the record, I think everyone gave some awesome answers, and I'd love to have more if people are reading this. Between driving, jazz band jamming, and pie fighting, I think I've got to rethink my answers to come up with something that can compete.

Gunner said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Gunner said...

I cannot believe you deleted my post!

Good god! What a douche!

Ok, talking about the same one thing for eternity would be better! You win! You are so creative!

Matthew B. Novak said...

1. It's not a competition.
2. Your post was entirely inappropriate. It was deleted because of the offensive sexual content you included.
3. I admit that your ideal scenario is entirely enticing. But you apparently can't see the appeal of other people's scenarios, each of which is entirely valid. Different people have different preferences, and part of what this post was designed to do was explore those options. Your apparent need to belittle the preferences of others is completely unwarranted and unappreciated. You are here warned that if you do it again your post will be deleted, regardless of whether you keep your comments clean or not. If you want to continue to expound the virtues of your choice, that's ok. If you want to question the choices of others, that's ok. But you need to do so in a respectful manner that makes legitimate points and does not simply revert to insults. Consider yourself warned.

the marvelous patric said...

who is gunner? i'm guessing "gunner" isn't anyone we know in the real world, but....


Matt! You've got a troll! oh! i'm so proud of philosofickle! It's got a troll!

i wish my message board had a troll. oh, sure, i occasionally get people who post things like "your comics suck", but never with any regularity!

the fact that people go out of their way to be a prick to you proves you're making a difference.

Gunner said...

Where are your comics Pat?

I'll check um out.

Gunner said...


Hi Matt!