When I got married, I knew life would be different. But I didn't fully understand the concrete ways it would be different.
Like, I knew that I would find long strands of hair that had been shed all over the place. But I didn't realize I'd pull it out of my Administrative Law book in the middle of class.
And I realized I'd have to cook for two, but I didn't realize how kind her taste buds would be to my cooking. I've burnt and mangled all sorts of foods - sweet and sour pork, asparagus and mushroom fettuccine, Campbell's chicken and stars - and she really doesn't seem to mind. She's the least picky eater I've ever met. And when I don't even like what I've made, well, she helps me out.
That's right, my wife cleans my plate for me. No one can ever again say I'm not an enlightened male.
I also vastly underestimated how much harder it would be to shop for/hide Christmas gifts when you actually live with the person.
However, I think the most surprising thing that I've faced to date - that I completely never foresaw - was what happened today. I never thought that when I got married it would mean that someday I'd have to pull a small splinter out of my wife's right cheek. Yes, that cheek. She sat on a chair made of bamboo or something, and the splinter poked right through her pants and into her butt. She ran - more of a hop really - to the bathroom howling in pain, and once she realized she couldn't see the splinter to pull it out, I was called upon to do my marital duty.
Clearly, this is not the sort of thing you expect when you get married.
Of course, I'm sure she never expected she'd have to help me pop a pimple in roughly the same location, so we'll call it even.
When you gonna ring it, when you gonna ring it?