Tuesday, June 28, 2005


I've been married for a month now.


I'm getting better at putting the toilet seat down.


I don't think I'm putting up a wedding part II post. Something about it having been a month ago, and no energy on my part, etc. Sorry. I'll just sum up the remaining stuff with: good times.

I'm thinking it's also less and less likely that I'll get to that post on same sex marriage anytime soon. Eventually, I promise. I've been thinking about it, I know how I want to structure it and all, it's just going to take more time to write than I have. See, my computer access is very limited this summer. And I think that's a valid excuse.

I've seen Revenge of the Sith twice. [caution, spoilers ahead] There's something really disturbing to me about the fact that Padme dies. It's a huge inconsitency. And I didn't notice this originally (but Laura saw it right away - she's better at stuff than me) but in Return of the Jedi Leia says that she remembers her real mother. Someone explain this to me. In happier Star Wars news, after that part where Mace Windu is fighting the Emperor, I love saying "Windu out the window!" Though it just occured to me: we never actually see him die...

You know what rocks? The top half of a frosted mini-wheat.

I don't have time to write anything more. Sorry. Eventually I'll get more up here.

Maybe I'd sell you a chicken

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Could You Use it in a Sentence?

Textify (v) –
1. To write a declaration of truth while under oath
2. A e-mail forwarded by an exuberant minister

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

When I Grow Up

I aspire to someday hold an authority position in a factory that makes gymnastic equipment. Then, I could ask my assistant to go to the design department and tell the people working there that I need the layout for a particular type of padding that sits on the ground. That way my assistant could say that he needed the floor mat format for Matt.

Any idiot can play Greek for a day

And join a sorority or write a tragedy

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

About the Wedding, Part 1

Ok, I wanted to throw out a few notes about the wedding, and what all happened. Under advisement from Chris Dykhoff, I will keep clandestine details from the honeymoon to myself. Some, however, may be revealed. And, for the sake of ease, I'm just going to lay stuff out in list form. Here you go:

  • Things were getting pretty hectic on Friday, when we were setting up the reception hall and I needed to find my groomsmen and get us tuxes.
  • Things got significantly more hectic when I went to the hotel and happened upon my family.
  • And some of my extended family.
  • And the people they brought with them.
  • And I think some of the hotel staff might have gotten mixed in there as well. Details are hazy.
  • Once I was able to seperate 2 of my groomsmen (and one hotel maid, later thrown back) from the fracas, I decided it was time to get Laura the lunch I'd promised her 45 minutes earlier.
  • Got the food, went to the farm, in hopes that the other groomsmen had gone there.
  • Some of them were there, being entertained by Laura's family. Both groups later provided choice quotes about the other.
  • The final groomsman - Nick - arrived, and we headed off to get our tuxes.
  • Something like 6 hours later (more like 1 and a half), we had our tuxes and were driving through road construction back to the hotel, to drop off our tuxes and prepare for the rehersal.
  • Kendrick wanted to touch one of the cones along the roadside. Nick was driving, and obliged Kendrick by running smack into one of the cones.
  • Nick then put E-85 in his vehicle which cannot run on E-85. There is an extended story here, involving a siphon, and the fact that his vehicle had a siphon gaurd, and that Ford considers using E-85 as an acceptible method of discharge, and the check engine light will come on, but it was already on, which in this case indicated that everything was ok. I don't really know, I wasn't there. But it sounded funny when other people told it.
  • Rehersal - guys show up a little late, but it all goes smoothly, and we're off to the farm for burgers and 'dogs.
  • We have a great night of food and family and friends and gag gifts. Which was a brilliant idea ala Laura.
  • I return to the hotel to set up a recreation of a college lip-sync to the Elephant Love Medley Song from Moulin Rouge. We went to Wal-Mart for props. It was slightly chaotic, everyone running all over the store and brideswomen helping groomsmen find unsightly nighties for the perfomance.
  • Joel put on the unsightly nighty. It was disgusting. We ended up getting him a dress instead.
  • If anyone wants an unsightly nighty - worn once - you can leave a message on the blog. Joel, thanks a ton for the gift. So freakin' generous.
  • After writing signs for the lip sync the room smelt like permanent marker, and we all passed out.


  • Wake up, shower, shave, dress, etc.
  • Get to church in time for pictures - actually make it on time.
  • Groomsmen show up shortly there-after, it's all good so far.
  • Except there aren't any brideswomen. Apparently hair didn't go well. Worse still, grandparents are stuck at the hair place until well after the brideswomen finish. We still feel bad about this. Sorry Grandma(s).
  • Pictures happen. I fight with a bush in one photo, get caught vamping on camera, and wear those silly disguise glasses.
  • Laura looks beautiful, and wears those silly disguse glasses.
  • Brideswomen and Groomsmen - disguise glasses all around.
  • Pictures end, wedding starts. Everything looks wonderful. I would know because I stood at the back of the church for something like 20 minutes while Pat and Rebecca - the first set of attendents - walked down the aisle. Seriously, it took them as long to get down as it took the rest of the wedding party.
  • Get up to the front, Laura walks down, everyone stands up, and I can't see over them.
  • Standing on altar, looking out at all the people I know who could make it. And a bunch of free-loaders (coughSpencecough).
  • At one point Laura and I considered handing 3-D glasses to everyone who came, so that when we looked out at the crowd it would look like they were all at one of those movies from the 50's, or 60's, or whenever that was. That would certainly have looked cool from our perspective.
  • Wedding happens. It was great - I enjoyed the ceremony, the homily, the part where Laura didn't run away screaming she couldn't do it. All in all, a great time.
  • After the receiving line we hopped in the limo and drove to the Redwood Zoo. The zoo has chickens. No fooling, honest-to-God, chickens. Worst zoo ever. But fun for that reason. There was also a deer or two. And I think geese. It was like they just fenced in whatever happened to be standing around.
  • We got to the reception, Chris Dykhoff announced us, and we walked in.
  • I was told later that they were playing Star Wars music when we marched in. I really hope it was the Imperial Theme (you know, the Darth Vader stuff), and not that crummy main theme.
  • I think Revenge of the Sith makes Return of the Jedi a much better movie, and that this fact hasn't gotten enough play in the review of the newest release. Everyone is all like "I love Revenge and Empire", but what they're forgetting is that now when they watch Return it'll be a much better film too, and could probably be grouped right behind those other two. If not for those danged Ewoks. Crummy little things probably had lice.
  • Meal was good. I liked the Jell-O cake. A far superior alternative to wedding cake.
  • After the meal, we showed a movie. I had made it for Laura. She didn't know about it. So it was a big surprise, and went off really well, and people really seemed to enjoy it. At least Laura did, which was all that mattered.
  • Then we danced, and it was fun.
  • I have all sorts of other stuff to write, but frankly, I'm just tuckered out. Maybe I'll pick this up again sometime soon, and give more details. Eventually.
  • So, just one more little thing: $40 of our damage deposit was not returned to us because the floor of the reception hall was ruined with... you guessed it... Play-doh! We have pictures - we know who's responsible.
  • Ok, it's me. I bought the play-doh the day before and gave it to my little brother. When I did, my dad told me I should have known better. I guess he was right.

So anyways, that's all for now. So much more happened, and if others want to add their contributions, they should. We'd love to hear stories about everyone else's exeperiences.

Ok, I'm out of here!

I'm strange, and you're strange

Monday, June 06, 2005

Movie Review: Monster-in-Law

Look, it was bad. I didn't want to see it. Laura didn't want to see it. But they weren't showing anything else, watching a movie seemed like the sort of relaxing thing we wanted to do, and we were in Moose Lake, which is the Minnesota equivalent of Podunk, Iowa. Except I think Podunk is bigger. Ok, actually, I just did a search, and it turns out there is no city in Iowa by the name of Podunk. In fact, "Podunk, Iowa" has just entered into our language as a phrase which means "nowhere". Well, crap. That means Moose Lake is bigger.

But Moose Lake is still pretty small. They've got a movie theater, but the only show they had this weekend was Monster-in-Law. Well, so I'd heard on the radio that it was supposed to be a funny movie. I mean, it had J-Lo, so I figured it couldn't be awesome. But I thought maybe for that "here's-a-stupid-plot-where-characters-torment-each-other-and-learn-some-sentimental-truth-at-the-end-of-the-film" genre, that it could be ok. Maybe it was a bad movie done well.

It was not.

I won't bore you with any details of the film, but the sappy parts were ridiculous and stupid, the characters were unbelievable and stupid, and the humor was non-existant and stupid.

In fact, the high-point of the film - and I'm not kidding here - was Wanda Sykes. That's how bad a movie this was. The least funny, and most obnoxious, comedian I have ever seen was the best part of the movie.

In fact, I'm entering this movie into that class of films which are here-to-fore deemed unwatchable and which I am ashamed to admit I have ever seen. So far, there are only two movies in this class: The Perfect Storm, and now Monster-in-Law. Yes, it was that bad.

But at least I've now learned that Podunk, Iowa doesn't exist.

I give it an F.

Re-Entering The World

Well, we're done with the wedding. (She actually went through with it!)
We're done with the honeymoon.
We're slowly moving into our new apartment, stocking shelves with food, etc.
And I'm back on my blog. I'm sure I won't be writing any extended entries for a little while, but I hope to give some accounts of the wedding and honeymoon, just so people can share in the adventure a little bit. It's going to take a little while before I get adjusted, find consistent internet access, and time to write, but keep an eye out for new posts.

It's good to back.