Friday, April 28, 2006

I Wonder if They Still Have Naps in the Real World?

So I know Zhubin beat me to it, but I'm proud to announce that I've officially finished my last class of school. For ever. Or at least until I go back to get my Ph.D. in something. But basically, I'm never going to class again. Which means I'm only like 9 years behind those jerks that dropped out of high school in 10th grade. Man do I have some ground to make up!

I entered school when I was 5. I've had 1 year of kindergarten, 5 years of elementary school, 3 of middle school, 4 of high school, 4 of college and 3 of law school. That's a grand total of twenty straight years of education.

The thing about education is that, while you're in school, you're pretty much not a productive member of society. You're doing a lot of taking-in and not a whole lot of creating-productive-output-for-the-good-of-the-world. Oh sure, there's the summer. Except that in my 20 years of education I pretty much blew those on bike-riding, pestering my mom to take us to the pool, swimming for 6 minutes, pestering my mom to take us home from the pool, roofing, working in a box factory, and day dreaming that I was anywhere but at a box factory.

But now, at 25, that's all over, and I'm heading off into the real world. I'm not quite sure what to expect of the world outside academia. I still have some vague memories of that time before school, but pretty much they all involve me using my imagination or trying hard not to crap my pants.

Ah, those were the days.

Now, I don't mean to brag, but as I remember it, I had a ton of real-world skills. Especially when it came to not-shitting-myself. That's a difficult task to master. Way harder than Power Point. Heck, I was so good they even used to give me a cookie every time I managed to dump someplace other than my pants. Well, provided that someplace was in or around the toilet, and not, say, on our neighbor's driveway.

But pretty much that's how my experience with the real world leads me to picture it: sitting around, imagining stuff and trying hard not to crap in your pants. And since I'm not getting any jobs with my academically-oriented resume, I've decided it's time that I adjust my resume to highlight my real-world experience:

Matt Novak, Infant and Toddler,
The Novak Household 1981 - 1986

- Potty trained
- Able to count to 10 without use of fingers
- Finger-paint proficient
- A big boy

Time is marching on,
and time is still marching on


joel. said...

To answer the question in the title of the post: they DO still have naps in the real world. Every once in a while I've been able to sneak a quick little 5-minute eyes-closed break at my desk. It's healthy and reinvigorating.

Oh, congrats on the finishing of law school. Now go find a job.

the marvelous patric said...

i learned the hardway that i am not cut out for the Real World. TRW blows, dude! It's full of cubicles and management and wastes of time. The only cool thing is faxing. Faxing is like magical. Of course, i now have a fax at home, so i'll never need the real world again.

(For those of you curious about my brief journey into the Real World, check out )

Matthew B. Novak said...

Heck, I'll give a plug. His Real World journey was hilarious. As is his latest Freaks 'n' Squeeks storyline.