Friday, October 17, 2008

Joe The Plumber

I'm stealing the idea directly from Jeff here, but it's high quality, so that makes it less wrong. Jeff has suggested that we need to start the "Joe the Plumber Facts" list, much like the Chuck Norris Facts list. If you've spent any time on the internet in the past year, you probably know what I'm talking about. Anyway, here's the list so far, as compiled on Jeff's blog, plus a few new ones. Everyone should add their own.

Courtesy of Jeff:

- Joe the Plumber has more electoral votes than the entire Mountain time zone.

- Candidates don't campaign in Ohio. They beg Joe the Plumber for mercy.

- Joe the Plumber is the one man, and he has the one vote.

- Palm Beach County won't design its ballots without first talking to Joe the Plumber.

- Joe the Plumber is, in fact, registered to vote… three hundred times. Legally.

- Joe the Plumber survives on a diet of pure PVC.

- Joe the Plumber writes your state’s voter lists.

- Joe the Plumber rebuilt New Orleans’ levee system with only a single pipe fitting.

Courtesy of Ben:

- Joe the Plumber's Law: Any presidential candidate who tries to look like he's blue collar when he's not, inevitably looks incredibly silly and deserves mockery....from Joe the Plumber.

- Joe the Plumber's Corollary: Godwin and Murphy are sissies. When they wanted to make laws, they first had to ask Joe the Plumber.

Courtesy of Yours Truly:

- Joe the Plumber has had his taxes increased and decreased 837 times in this election.

- When Joe the Plumber visits his friend he calls it "Hanging w/ Chad".

- Joe the Plumber breaks up clogs with a real live snake.

- When Joe the Plumber can't decide which candidate to support he calls it "straddling the plumber's crack".

- Joe the Plumber has had his circulatory system replaced with very fine copper pipes.

- Joe the Plumber's ideal candidate would be John McDraino.

- Joe the Plumber was registered to vote 80 times by ACORN.

- Joe the Plumber thinks Blackwater is what happens when your sink has been stuffed up too long.

- Joe the Plumber has his own polling station.

- Polls of Joe the Plumber's opinions have a 4% margin of error.

- Joe the Plumber handles the occasional dry wall job when business is slow.

And the water rolls down the drain


Joel said...

Joe the Plumber doesn't need an apprenticeship or a license. He was born with a wrench in his hand.

Mike said...

I feel obligated to point out that it's not July.

These are brilliant.

Matthew B. Novak said...

Not July? I'm missing something here...

Mike said...

Your song lyric is from the Decemberists' "July, July!" I concede the dumbness and utter irrelevance of the joke, but still.

Matthew B. Novak said...

I'm embarrassed for myself because I didn't get the joke. More embarassed for you because you made it.

I don't think I've ever been on this side of that equation. It feels kind of nice.