Thursday, April 14, 2011

Fortunately, Unfortunately.

So I'm actually still alive in this Survivor Writing competition thing, which I'm really really enjoying. This past week the challenge was to write two "Fortunately, Unfortunately" sequences. Both judges gave us a prompt, and we had to work from that prompt to a series that was at least 8, but no more than 11 lines long. Here are my two entries. It was my most well-received entry to date.

Prompt:I tried out for the team so I could meet chicks.

Unfortunately, I was terrible at the try outs.
Fortunately, the competitive investment team didn’t have enough members, so I made it anyway.
Unfortunately, the girls were only interested in Trip, the top ranked guy on the team.
Fortunately, I got a hot tip on a stock.
Unfortunately, I was charged with insider trading.
Fortunately, I beat the charges.
Unfortunately, successfully committing securities fraud required me to give up my amateur status.
Fortunately, I made a lot of money and no longer need the team to meet women.
Unfortunately, the women I’m meeting now are shallow, vapid, materialistic types who only love me for my money.
Fortunately, I can afford to pay for the plastic surgery needed to correct those character flaws.



I have one class left before I finish my major.

Unfortunately, then I’ll have a philosophy major.
Fortunately, I’ve got a Spanish minor, which means I will be able to understand my boss.
Unfortunately, my boss will quickly get promoted and be replaced by an Albanian.
Fortunately, I like Albanians.
Unfortunately, I get Albanians and albatrosses confused; I like albatrosses.
Fortunately, so does my Albania boss!
Unfortunately, he confuses albatrosses and abacuses; He likes abacuses.
Fortunately, with a philosophy major, my most marketable tool will be the rudimentary abacus skills I learned in kindergarten.
Unfortunately, I can’t use my abacus to calculate a way out of this student loan debt.

At first I was afraid
I was petrified